This story contains sexual content, violence, coarse language and consumption of alcohol it is rated R and 18+
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Monkey See Monkey Sea-Doo (Beth & Sean)
I opened my eyes feeling rested and warm. Realizing that Sean’s arm around me made me hold my breath. How and when did that happen?
I shifted to move away, Sean made a contented sound deep in his throat and pulled me closer. Shit. Not good. He may not be upset about this, but I am. I pried at his hand and he held me even tighter.
“If I have to put up with your whining and thrashing in your sleep the least you can do is let me sleep in. Stay still.”
“No. Let me go,” I whispered harshly.
“Don’t start Sean, you don’t care and it that’s not fair to me.”
He let me go. “Not a morning person anymore?”
“I am.” I stared at him laying there unfurled, his sculpted chest bare and his half-cocked smile and… I looked away from his obvious discomfort with tingles swirling in my insides. “But I’m not your morning person anymore.” I tugged my shoe on and winced at how much my foot hurt this morning.
He sighed heavily as I refused to look at him.
“You don’t have to go.”
I unzipped the tent. “Yes I do, you’re too tempting and you know it. Don’t be a jerk.”
“It’s not my fault you couldn’t keep sex and emotions separate Beth.”
“Screw you, Sean,” I muttered and closed the zipper behind me. I found my new crutches and went toward the cabin.
By the time, everyone was up and fed and starting activities, I was feeling less angry and broken. I know it will take a while for me to get over this but I will. Right now I couldn’t shake the dreadful gut-wrenching moment when Sean looked my way apathetically.
I pondered this as I sat on the dock in my bikini. Apathy was never Sean’s thing. He had a wide swinging range of emotions like the ones I have, apathy suited him as much as sad and mopey suited me. I rubbed my hands on the dock to distract my mind from it’s thoughts.
“You’re really shaken up over yesterday huh?” Javelle sat beside me as Bob sat on the other.
“More than I thought I’d be.”
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Bob said and Javelle agreed.
The conversation drifted to various subjects. All of which I participated in. I’ve always been lucky to be able to carry on no matter how horrible I feel inside. A brave face my mom used to call it, she would know she used one regularly along with the liar’s face she used the most. Eventually, the water called Bob and Javelle and they joined the others.
After lunch, Sean took Stella, Javelle, Bob, Annie, and Tommy out on the boat as Louie and Gemma raced around on the Sea-doo’s playing a game I called monkey see monkey Sea-doo. The premise is player one performs a series of moves and player two has to copy. for each perfect copy they get a point. Ryan and Thane were off fishing up the lake shore still in sight.
I had finished reading all my books and wasn’t in the mood to reread any of them. I decided to go poke at the fire when I saw the boat coming back. “Get a grip, Beth,” I muttered as my stomach fluttered at the sound of Sean’s voice. I smiled at everyone as they started milling about.
Javelle instigated an impromptu badminton tournament after she found a set in the shed. I kept score like a good girl even though I felt like a broken loser and cheered everyone on, including Sean, like a friend would.
I didn’t want to move around too much, my body was sore and stiff from yesterday and I really did need to stay off my foot as much as possible. I was infinitely grateful that I was sitting here watching my friends and not raped and dead. My emotions were swinging wildly but I think I did an okay job hiding most of it.
“Do you want to go out on the boat?” Sean asked just after dinner.
I shook my head no.
“You can’t just sit here all day Beth you need to have some fun too.” Sean crossed his arms.
“I am having fun.” I narrowed my eyes unjustly at him.
“You’re sitting there inside your head and dwelling.”
“I’m sorting through some complicated emotions that’s all.”
Sean leaned closer. “That’s called bullshit and lady you reek of it right now.”
“Look.” I leveled my angry eyes at him. “I had a particularly shitty day yesterday and I truly and honestly appreciate that you are so fast and saved my ass. However,” I shifted myself in the chair, “I need you to either ignore me completely or respect the fact that unlike you I have a heart.”
“That’s uncalled for.”
“If you don’t like my company you can walk away or even run. I would if I could.”
He stared at me a moment, looked over my shoulder, turned on his heel and stormed off toward Ryan and Tommy.
“How are you doing babe?” Gemma pulled a canvas chair over to me after looking at Sean suspiciously.
“Are you playing buffer?” I asked quietly as she took my hand in hers.
“Yes.” Gemma kissed the back of my hand. It was something we do to show that we care. I don’t recall how it started but it was only she and I that did it. “See there is a weird problem.”
“I know I created it.”
“No not that.” Gemma pointed at Sean as he glanced our way. “That is a problem.”
“Yes, Sean. Aside from this fucked up situation, he’s still trying to be nice to you.”
“And it’s making you feel worse, am I right?”
I nodded as she squeezed my hand.
“Beth you can’t see what I see because you are you. Sean’s on the edge of something and I’m afraid it won’t be good if he falls off the edge the wrong way.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t. What happened yesterday was awful. You’re handling it way better than anyone I know could. How you’re not a ball of blubbering I don’t know. I would be. I’d be a mess. Do you want to know what I think?”
“You’ll tell me either way.” I snickered.
“Yes, I will. I think you’re not as shaken because someone made you feel safe. Someone chose to comfort you not once, but twice. Did you two have sex again last night?”
“No.” I swallowed hard. “I just couldn’t be alone.”
“And Sean, the guy who’s a total jerk to you, put aside his problems to make you comfortable and feel safe.”
“Yeah but-” I was interrupted by Gemma’s hand raised.
“Nope. Do you honestly think for one second that Thane, Bob, Louie, Tommy or Ryan would have dropped what they were doing instantly and run off at your cry for help?”
“They would eventually but not one of them knew which direction to run, nor did they run right away with zero hesitation.”
“This is not making me feel better.”
“Okay let me put it this way.” Gemma smiled with love and friendship. “If you spent years denying yourself… real chocolate because you feared real chocolate made you instantly fat. So you let yourself have tastes of carob and fake waxy crap. All the while, you had the smoothest and most desirable piece of chocolate within reach all those years. What would you do if you suddenly found yourself binging on that chocolate and realizing too late that you weren’t supposed to because you were afraid to get fat?”
That was a good analogy since I would never deny myself chocolate and yes I understood her point. I just didn’t believe her. Sean made himself clear. I was the only fool here.
“What would you do Beth?” Gemma urged.
“I guess I would push it away and feel horrible guilt for indulging.”
“And?” Gemma patted my hand.
“And,” I rolled my eyes, “I suppose I’d have a hard time just walking away.”
“Go for the boat ride, Beth.”
“Can’t you just take me out?”
“No can do.” Gemma stood. “Ryan and I are going for a romantic hike. I’ll let Sean know you’ve changed your mind.”
Before I could object, she jogged away toward Ryan and Sean. Who incidentally looked beaten. Sean’s shoulders were slumped slightly and he had his head lowered. I watched him look up as Gemma approached. She talked excitedly with her hands and then grabbed Ryan’s arm and tugged him toward the cabin.
Sean looked up at me and I understood what Gemma meant. He was on the edge of something and I was the one that might push him over… the wrong way.
To be continued…
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