This story contain’s sexual content, violence, coarse language and consumption of alcohol it is rated R and 18+
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Letting it out (Waking Up Jayla)
What could Curt do about Bill do anyway? Curt doesn’t know Bill and I don’t have to tell him who it was. I summed it up in my head a few times and there was no version that painted Bill in a good way. Which was alarming. My good, kind, funny, sweet Bill wasn’t any of those things he pretended to be.
“I think he got me drunk on purpose to take advantage.”
“Did he?” Curt reached for me and pulled me into his lap. He wiped my tears and held me close.
“Almost… Sort of.”
Curt tensed and held his breath. I felt so safe and cared for in that moment that the tears started in earnest. The loudest crack of thunder shook the walls and I buried my face in his chest and sobbed. I let it all of it out. I let out the years of being worthless and unable to please Paul. Years of giving up myself to cater to a man who never loved me. I let out the humiliation of a tug of war divorce, and Paul’s cruel twist on why our marriage failed and why he sought sex elsewhere. I cried out the failed dates and the men who were only after sex. Bill and what he did and that I wanted a man just like Paul, but didn’t. The sheer volume of emotions was staggering.
I felt weak and drained as my sobs abated. I realized then that I’ve never been strong. All along, I was a doormat, a compliant one too. Here I am bawling my eyes out terrified of a thunderstorm in the arms of a man who I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen in love with. I sucked in a stuttered breath and still Curt didn’t let go. He should, he should drive me home and never look back. I should run and never look back. Curt had enough in his life to have to deal with me and my baggage.
“Okay.” He said softly and shifted me from his lap.
Here comes the gentle let down. I waited for him to say he would take me home. He got off the bed and I closed my eyes against the words he would say. Instead, he left the room and fumbled in the bathroom. He returned with a cool damp cloth and wiped my face.
“Here blow your nose.”
It was weird to do, but I obeyed. He disappeared again and came back with a glass of water. He handed it to me and I took a large gulp. He set the glass on the bedside table. I was still flinching with each flash of lightening.
“Better?” He said quietly and sat back on the bed.
“Stop it. You’re only human Jayla. Even the strongest people feel weak when they look back at failures.”
“Failures. That’s accurate.”
“Look.” Curt pulled me to lay down again and covered us with the sheets. “If we don’t fail, we can never be better than we are. I say to Everett all the time that it’s okay to fail at something, to make mistakes as long as we learn from it and do better.”
“But.” I sniffled. “But I didn’t do better.”
“He was just like my ex. I was… he…” I don’t know how to explain.
“I see. I hate to say this but boy am I glad the prick was like your ex and you realized soon enough that he was a mistake.”
I sighed and smiled. Yeah Curt was too perfect there is no question. “Because I learned.”
“Damn Skippy and lucky me wins the girl.”
“Some prize. I’m a mess Curt. I thought I was okay. This isn’t fair to you.”
“You can stop that too. This is what I see, and you can tell me if I’m wrong. You had a scary run in with the other man. He hurt you and dredged up some realizations of your past. Now that it’s at the surface, you think it’s permanent. Even tattoos can be removed Jayla.”
“You’re good at this. You really are management aren’t you?”
Curt’s gentle chuckle warmed my heart. “I’m also a son, and a brother, a father and hopefully your lover. I’ve learned from my many mistakes. I’ve also learned from the mistakes of those around me. The best part, is everything from now on.”
“I do feel better.”
“You said he almost.”
I nodded in the dark room as a flash of lightening in the distance brightened the room momentarily. “He eventually stopped trying to, well I guess force me to have sex with him. I did sort of want to and I did participate.”
“I’m not holding it against you Jayla. However, you were drunk and that is not okay. You know that right?”
“I know. Mandy said the same thing more or less.”
“Mandy sounds like a good friend.”
“My best. She’s the one that pointed me in the right direction to see that I was dating a copy of my ex. Not you. You she calls Hottie. Not that she’s seen you.”
“Hottie huh? So you described me as hot did you?”
“Oh come on you conceited thing. You know damned well that you’re a solid ten. Eleven if I’m in charge of the scale.”
“I figured eight, nine on a good day.” Curt put his hand behind my head and kissed me tenderly.
I snuggled closer when he stopped kissing me. “Maybe a fifteen if you keep that up.”
“My Jayla.” He kissed my forehead. “My funny girl. Goodnight.”
I closed my eyes to think over the day and all that happened.
To be continued…
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Next Chapter: Forgetting Something?